For the Love of Lilith

It begins with a speck of dust and dirt. That’s how he created us. Adam and I, I mean. We were created the same, at the same time. Equals. We each were placed in the Garden and had certain expectations to fulfill. And we were happy to fulfill them. In the beginning that is.

Because we were supposed to be equals, I thought Adam would treat me as such. I was supposed to bear children and continue our race and he was supposed to keep the Garden growing. Both of us fostering life, both of us keeping to our assigned roles. So when he started trying to dominate me, I was confused. Equality means power to us both and no domination over the other. I fought back. I told him we were equals, created from the same dust and earth, and that he should not have more power than me or try to be in charge. When he lashed out, I ran. I could not be in an environment where I was not treated with the respect I deserve; where my supposed equal did not treat me as such.

Then God found out that I had run from my duties. He disregarded my pleas, only listening to Adam’s explanation of what happened, and decided to send his angels - Senoi, Sansenoi, and Semangelof - to bring me back to the Garden. Of course I refused. I could not live oppressed and treated as less than who I truly am. When they found me in a cave, delivering the children I had bore in the Garden, they told me they would kill 100 of my children every day until I returned. I had gained my freedom from Adam and from the God that would only side with him and then I was hunted.

They started killing my children, just as they said. Even though I would not submit to Adam, I still loved my offspring and did not wish them harm. So I returned. And what do I find on my arrival? God had created a new partner for Adam out of his rib. And Adam was bedding her now, instantly replacing the person created right next to him for someone that would conform to exactly what he wanted. I could not stay after that and decided I could never return.

My anger carried me away from the Garden, and my loneliness forced my hand in what I have done since then. Once I found Eve, God decided to banish me for good from the Garden, claiming I was evil because I would not perform my duty. Was my duty to be inferior to the person created from the same thing I was? No. My duty was to continue his creation. Adam should have been punished for breaking the rules, but instead I lost my home and my children because of them.

I decided from that moment that if the angels would kill my children, I would take others. It is still my responsibility to foster the growth of children. But no one ever said they must be my children. In order to fulfill my actual duty and to punish God, I may steal some children. 

And of course this angers him further, and he sends his angels yet again. This time, I made a deal with them. If the newborns wear their signs on a necklace, I will not touch them. Not that I would want to anyway, I do not want the children of those angels. This satiates them but also allows me to have my children again.

Meanwhile, Adam starts spreading rumors about me. Calling me evil and a demon and spreading those tales to all of his children. They have all decided to call me the first demon, and they blame all child deaths on me. What blasphemy! I do not kill those children. I take them to keep me company and so that I will have my own children. If he did not wish me to do so, he would have treated me as the equal that I am and we would have had our own children together, as we were supposed to. 

Now to all of mankind, I am the personification of wickedness, and they blame every single infant death on me. Perhaps they should blame the God they worship so much that would willingly kill my own children just to get me back to a place that oppressed me. I am not the first demon. I am not the personification of evil. I am not the queen of Hell. I am a mourning mother. I am a mentally abused wife. I am the independence incarnate.